December 23, 2019, 8:00 AM
I am anticipating that Kate and I will return from my appointment at 2 this afternoon with Dr. Reilly with much to contemplate and plan for. I await his judgement on my condition and his recommendations with interest but not dread; I need his judgments and recommendations if I am to make the ultimate decisions that chart the balance of my life, that define the pathway I will take to my demise. And I am grateful that my lack of fear of death permits me to approach that task with a clear mind and tranquility.
The beautiful weekend with my family in CT reinforced that tranquility with the power of love. I loved every minute of being with my son, daughter-in-law, grandsons, and their brides to be (in 2020), daughter and her husband. I loved relaxing and chasing joyous memories in the home that so reflects my son’s and daughter-in-law’s love of antique tools and bottles, which are displayed so attractively throughout. How fortunate I am to have these loved ones in my life and to be able to, on occasion, connect with them physically. This was a joyous visit, with no interference from concern about what I might hear from the oncologist this afternoon.