Friday, Dec. 20, 2019
So I have now been living a week with the reality that I have metastatic bone cancer which will most likely shorten my life, perhaps to a year or so. I will continue to have to wait for answers to the many questions this raises until Monday, when I meet with an oncologist. Hopefully, he will tell me what treatment options are available, their side effects, and the estimate of life expectancy for each; how soon I may lose the use of my leg, and how my lifestyle may be affected as the disease progresses; how the disease may eventually take my life; whether we should test for possible spread of the cancer to additional organs; etc., etc., etc.
I feel blessed to report that such questions, while they enter my consciousness at times, do not become attached emotionally; they do not pull me down. They would if I made up answers and let myself become entrapped in fear generating hypothesis. But I practice living in the moment, so find it easy to dismiss such questions because they have no reality in the moment. They may next Monday, when I discuss them with the oncologist, but I refuse to let them affect my life until then. Stay tuned.
This has truly been a magnificent week for me. I feel raised up to a higher plateau of living and contributing than ever before. My love for Life, mine as well as all life, is with me throughout each day; my sense of mission is stronger than ever as is my confidence that I will succeed in achieving the goals that Life intends me to achieve; the silly demons of doubt and fear that occasionally held me back from doing my best have retreated to their caves; I find joy in just about every moment. In short, I feel well equipped to proceed down the new pathway that life abruptly placed me on last week. And I look forward to chronicling my journey here.